Remember : you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be faithful and loyal to you. I was unemployed a year after leaving the Army due to a medical retirement. Please be strong. My kinds and I are are now stuck between the rock and a hard place.. He could turn on a tear and look remorseful but wouldnt answer if I said to him , I can get through anything if I know that you love me he would milk all my tears until we both turned defensive and would turn it round to irritation accusing me of mistrust in doubting him . We have a 5yr old a 2yr old and a 4 week old. I have 2 kids as well even. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to search for it and stay positive no matter what. This is the second time I have been dumped under the same situations. Best advice is to not waste your time trying to figure him out or wait from the call because it is true that life is passing you bye while youre waiting for him to prove that he respects you. The only thing I can figure is tha she is very broken. And even worse, they ruin their own happiness in the process by doing things that destroy everything that makes them happy. Friday comes and of course, she unplugs the house phone and turns off her cell and refuses to let me see my kids. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. She wouldnt let me see them anymore and everything got so much worse. If he can just walk no strings attached then I dont want him back. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. "I can't please you. You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? Six months where I have stayed silent on this topic because of the guilt and . And I can tell you first-hand that its not easy to go through something like this. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs carI think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. I dont get how someone can break up their family without trying to work on the marriage. Finally she calls when she is halfway there. Blog. I have to try and stay strong for myself and my children but its so hard. A condition in and of itself is not a reason to . They are now together and I know she had feelings for him whilst we were together. And that is accepting that it might be a few years before your husband comes back to you or before you find someone to love you again. someone whos been through abuse or bullying, What to do when your husband or wife abandons you, speaking with a mental health professional, acsjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1002/cncr.24577, proquest.com/openview/4bd906a16b2a72068a059378348fb0c1/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=41641, How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On, Podcast: Resiliency, Passion, and Trauma Recovery, Podcast: Working Moms and Self-Care with Brooke Burke, Podcast: The Latest Research to Live Happily Ever After, Podcast: Is Media Reporting on Mental Illness Fair? People are self-centered and do not think of the people they hurt. While these may be the reasons someone gives for leaving a relationship, these do not address the real reasons why someone normally leaves a relationship. Why she chose to lie about this i do not know, but she has been clearly hiding things from me for several months. But now it's been only two weeks since he left and . I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. this time it was litteraly out of nowhere nobody seen it coming and on his days off which were just this week he flew to where she lives in calgary (we live in BC) to spend days off with her. He said he dnt wanna b wid her or even me right now. I am sitting in my home with four dogs and a cat while she is in another state confused and telling me she is no longer in love with me. He is helpful, and proper, and considerate, and all of the communication between my lawyer and him, and paying everything early and is mister proper. This was mid January. Take care Don. He ended up walking past me and got in our car and left. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. I rather struggle financially for awhile then live in a horrible marriage. She has quit her job and spends the daytime in our house waiting for the kids to finish school and leaves before I get back (leaving the house a tip). Dont believe it. Im sure they wouldnt like knowing she abandoned her kids. Dont fall for it ! She told me she was leaving, that she had been unhappy for about a month, and that she needed to figure out who she was, saying that because she hadnt really been single for a lengthy period since she was 18 (shes 22 now) she based her individuality on her relationship. Her head kept onto the tear-soaked pillow feels like bursting with pain while she thinks about why her husband left her for another woman. Hang in there. Please. How can somewhon do that to a spouse that has done nothing other than give them all the love and compassion,loyalty,feelings,and commitment for life. But most of the time do not want to come home. Weve had a strained relationship for a while due to our busy work schedule but I never thought he would do this it doesnt make sense its all so final he wont go to relate because itll be the same answer he says!! When I approached her she didnt deny it. Well she had this doctor at a private office that she worked with get him to start prescribing mess for her. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. Do not communicate with him as he will only confuse and hurt you more! Im not sure what exactly he was looking for, perhaps just being very emotionally transparent on an every day basis? me & my bf were 2gether 8 years & i found a conversation on his tablet telling a girl he loves her & all this stuff.. i was willing 2 work it out but he told me he hasnt been happy 4 the past year & hes not in love with me anymore & hes bored.. i was devastated, a total wreck.. he moved 2 PA with his family while he waits 4 the girl 2 move there in April.. we still text as friends but it gets really hard as I cant talk about his new gf.. i am far from over it but i do want 2 be his friend, possibly more if we can work it out.. after he left i started taking care of myself & all that pampering stuff.. well, i came 2 the conclusion that i dont want his a** back.. she can keep him, i hope they will be very happy.. im done.. he left him crying & pleading, left me.. i was faithful 8 years, i adored him, worshipped the ground he walked on.. i work, i just got a truck, im sweet as candy & i deserve better.. we keep texting as friends & sometimes we still flirt a bit but its not like that.. he played Me, the best thing that ever happened 2 him & im slowly getting over it.. i know im great & i deserve greatness so whatever dude.. ur loss.. Two days later I went and begged for another chance.she said yes and we spent what I thought was a day filled with renewed spirit, touching holding talking. Its almost been six months and it feels like yesterday. I am doing my best to just not communicate with him. My estranged husband wants a divorce after 23 years. I dont know what makes it better. My only piece of wisdom from this whole scenario is that I have a Christian faith and it has really been keeping me sane by praying. While I understand we didnt have the perfect marriage and living situations, I never saw this coming. Very true . When someone walks away from u let them walk ur destiny was never tied to anyone that left. thanks for this im in this kind of situation right now.. On new years eve my fiance left thee house. But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less She refused to let me see them at all and now had moved that guy and his kid into our home. Im so sorry, this broke my heart. Give your kids a Merry Christmas and an amazing role model for the new year. And still couldnt find a way to be happy. I was so in love and i realize it now that shes gone. Here it is. I asked my wife to meet me when she got off work which was later and later than years ago. , Back away and give him space. There is real evil in the world you are absolutely correct. I read somewhere that narcsassists will never loose any sleep over our pain . So until that happens, dont waste minutes precious minutes and time thinking about what he did to you or how you wanted to change. Letting go of the past - especially a husband who left you for another woman - isn't about "getting over it.". Thanks CassieD. I am truly lost without her. Didnt call, nor would he discuss our situation in email. First he started four days after our wedding to over communicate in the internet and made sure that I dont see what he does. Things have been bad for awhile, but it is still hard to accept that it is over. I feel like Im slowly dying I tried and gave him everything I had even if it wasnt alot. Im not so much after advice, but comfort would be great right about now. My mum passed away suddenly in July 2014. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. Any help and opinions would be gratefully appreciated. I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. It might not seem this way, but maybe he just wasnt in love with you anymore. Hes in his mid 40s and literally has nothing, his mommy and daddy are still paying his way and completly enabling him to behave this way. Im so sorry to read this (and other) stories. But her decision is not deadly. Though I miss him and would love for him to be at home with us, he refuses to get psychological help Therefore, I believe its better hes gone. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. Marriage abandonment can be the result of many factors, including: If youre wondering what to do when your husband or wife abandons you or your partner suddenly leaves, turning to family and friends for immediate support can be invaluable. I ate a chocolate mousse cake not that long ago! If one person leaves and isnt willing to work on it, thats one thing. No body cared because he said things that were not true, every time I tried to go to a hearing they would cancel it, finally after 4 months they dropped. Forgiveness is a choice, and when you make the decision and act on it, the feelings will eventually be there. I dont even know where to start now. Hes not acted any different or said a thing. I haven't eaten or slept roperly in 2 weeks. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. My bf of 4 years we lived together pretty much the whole time with my now 6 yr old son 2 when he met him. You can move on and start enjoying life again with your kids know that you will. Rage that would be primarily directed towards friends and family. I suspect someone else has caught his attention. Even after this I still love/loved him, but I had no idea what to do or how to proceed. Megan. You can find online communities everywhere. You are trying so hard and are not getting the appreciation you deserve. Can anyone help? I was devastated! We are taking things slow but it looks like he has a lot of maturing to do. There is no weekends off. What city and state are you in? Thats really hard. If a man is wondering, looking, you can almost bet he is cheating. I think on diffrent levels most of us suffer with anxiety, depression. And some families have one parent. Dont let me suffer too long. And it might be wrong but I cant just cut people out of our lives as he has done. Wont hug me or show any affection whatsoever. What part of the country are you in? I am sincerely sorry to have read and felt your confusing, pain and patience in your situation. I have 2 ds and am left absolutely distraught. I was consistently reassured that yes, things were improving and I was getting better with my anger. Found a great new home development where he knew the builder and was talking with the builder about the possibility of a few lots that would become available. Give yourself the time and space to really reflect on what she has done, try some couples counseling, and then decide how you want to move forward. Hi Susan, I feel for you. I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. Yea, meeting otherpeople may be fun for a little while, but coming home to someone who knows you inside out is un-irreplaceable. I come from a family of strong people. I was lost. I just want to know what people think, and if anything would help. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. She threatened me and would say horrible things to me in front of the kids.. our kids would spend the night at their friends house or my parents home. She doesnt cook (not in 20 years I have known her, not a joke either), does not clean (although has started making some effort in this area) but is simply heartless to them. Many things can slowly infect a marriagedistance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. Just a few years ago, however, I was finally diagnosed with this awful personality disorder. *they need to take some time for themselves Maybe there were reasons you didnt want to put energy and time into the relationship, or perhaps you felt like it was your partners job as much as yours. Nothing is wrong with you! We talked and decided to give it another try things were great at first l felt like a queen. . Im going to go cry some more before he comes home to dump me over dinner. My partner of 27 years has said hes had enough. My advice is let it be man, theres no point of crying over spoiled milk.u cant respect a woman that made a choice like that. It wasnt until I became a single parent that I really began to understand how much of a taboo subject it still is. Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. As woman we must always trust our gut, I wish I had so many times. She is looking for a new Hm and we are still all in the same house. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. I dont know who to treat him. One of the best ways to help get through something like this is to have someone else to talk to. We started dating young and it was really a fairytale relationship. Nothing has meaning. Just be true to yourself. Im shutting down. I hope that your marriage works out and you and your husband will be happy once again together. She was the main person I talked to and let her manage things. Specific treatment for this is very hard to get and expensive. I am caught between being committed to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff and being tired of all the conflict and chaos. I only had him. I always thought , feared she may leave me when Im older and it happened! With no signs no reason why just said he had to go he had to do it. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. I cry everyday and have been in bed with no desire to do anything. That discovery changed my fragile mind even more it made my psychically ill and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she changed her values and that that PAIN is what really kills me. I hate myself and have become a hermit. My husband for 8 months blame everuthing in our marriage even though I was faithful every single deployment and training. So take the time to accept your new life and move on with things the best way you can. !! Often a wife's response, although well intended, can just drive her husband even deeper into his midlife crisis. Love to hear feedback, please comments welcome. Sounds familiar except mine was emotional abuse, yip, happened to me too, thank g i kept postponing the wedding date or id be stuck in an abusive marriage with a traumatized kid. 3. My name is Jon,and a few weeks ago when my wife and i were celebrating our birthdays in Chicago,she told me that she was leaving me and moving to California to live with some guy she met on the internet.My wife sufers from Fibromyalgia,depression. "I am in a no win situation.". Not every day is fireworks and high school passion, my love. That lasted for 6 months and she then moved to her own apartment, the entire time stating that she didnt know what she wanted. Take care. They all go to the same school and population is 800 so no escape. I have to do some procedures for possible breast cancer and I need to get my insurance going. I dont get it for you either. I dont temember- FYI Im in NJ. He explained he needed to find himself and deal with all the shitty things and pain he had caused to others. Im no angel to live with but I always saw us together until the end. Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and its OK to express grief: Youre grieving the loss of this relationship, what it meant to you, and the role this person played in your life, says Garcia. I felt guilty and blamed myself. My partner of 11yrs has just done the exact same thing to me. I am completely devastated, I love her so much, and we have two children together. Its a behavioral condition Something. a train when It stops you only have two choices get off and get on another train or stay on and go in reverse. Said that after work we will eat and discuss plans for his exit. He is indicating you have all the power over his life. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. He refused to go to counseling. It would of been 10 years of marriage this year. Over those years the contempt, spite, and hate the false sense that everyone but her was living a great life constantly grasping at some new external source of happiness but never satisfied. Catching up was fun, she was comfortable to talk to, to share life experiences with and before long we both felt the electricity we had known years ago was still there and strong as ever. It isnt the first and foremost thing on my mind all day all night, every day every night! The first time was right after I had our first child. I love him but Im so angry at him for leaving us. Youre absolutely right! I am going through something similar too. I feel so betrayed, devastated and its really painful to me. Just sad. Also, start shopping for insurance now. I feel it to.. This is one of the best articles Iv read on goodtherapy so far. Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. Hi my husband has a habit, of being with me for about 4-5months , then takes off to do any and every thing for about two weeks . The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. I know he broke your heart and betrayed every single romantic connection you ever had together, but that doesnt mean he cant change. And if its not normalized that this happens to lots of people, then they will wind up meeting and marrying someone else, and experience this same issue down the road. Hardly functioning, feeling helpless. She refuses to put in any real effort with the kids too, guess that comes as no surprise as you really have to be that way to have done THAT to them. I am devastated we have 3 children and one doing his GCSEs I am a mess my daughter keeps questioning me and Im trying to hold it together but Im in so much pain and I cant imagine my life without him Hi l married my husband about 12yrs ago we had split for about 8yrs and just 3months he popped back in the picture. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. And once you get through this, youre going to feel like a brand new woman. He is a best-selling author and shares valuable marriage advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel. He was messing with a female on his ship one pay grade lower and still got away with it. ..I thought it was the alcohol but hes not drank now for 3wks and hes gotten worse! I couldnt imagine it being so tough. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112. But some marriages can survive infidelity. We have been married 2 and a half years, and together for 4. Everyone keeps saying mid life crisis. You stay joyful in the midst of pain because your children will always be yours. When we met we had both been divorced so we started with the big stuff. Failure to taste. I would cry all night just waiting for a hug. In time of need his true colors blossom. I reached out to her parents for support. So, I have been married to my husband for 14 1/2 years. Mind you although we have split up things have been amazing in the last 2 years compared to how things were before hand. How so? Health not good. Im going through the same although my kids are 9 And 11 years old he told me 2 days after Xmas Im not happy here anymore. I read It goes back to their childhood when they were never held accountable for their actions and would lie and cover up rather than be chastised by their parents one of which was probably narcissistic too . Whatever, fine by me Ill gladly give up weekends for my kids. She has always suffered from mental health issues and I have been there for her come hell or high water. I was in shock for months. I have the greatest respect for those who endure the bad times and work to resolve and remedy their challenges. I want to leave my husband, and I dont know how to make him understand. It doesnt take much, all it takes is a little time and effort to help you get through this hard time. Im still just so hurt. I care about love and passion and family, but if I tell him he laughs and says we dont need that. We have two girls 5 and 8. I found out last week that she was in a relationship with another man for several months. This just might be a part of a painful process where you have to learn how to get over someone. By not fighting, however, you may be able to begin your grieving process, and subsequent healing process, sooner. I borrowed the money for the lawyer from somebody else.he paid all the bills. I froze that moment then 6 years later I was traumatized again. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. Well, whatever the case may be, this article is for you. In the same boat. Ok. What would people do in my situation. The pain cant be explained in words. In my parents day, they stood together and stayed married, committed right through, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. I have to buy my own insurance because Im losing mine on December 9. I also lost my mother nine months ago. then he comes back home and is a great husband for another four months then next thing u know he leaves again . I have found pills over and over hidden in her car before she totaled it . He did, yet he got everything he wanted. :). I dont want to be with someone of that description. I love my wife so badly that shes been my go to person for anything in my life. My life is in a tailspin right now. We're told in God's Word, " The eyes of man are never satisfied. He is smitten and very sexually involved with this 40 something woman. You are dead to me as I am to you so lets not resurrect the dead. How to cope: Try not to take too much of a righteous or moral stance. Theyve only been talking for weeks and he thinks he has fallen in love with this person. Cruel. For many people, abusive behavior and infidelity are signs that a marriage is beyond repair. 5 years ago I started to discover and figure out that my wife was a substance abuser,drug addict with prescription meds, narssasis, pathological liar. I do not know if it is love. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. My experience has taught me that you can only rely on one person in this world to love you unconditionally and that is Jesus. He would tell me no babe stop tripping and l really started thinking l was tripping. She didnt deserve any of this.. Well five years ago when our son was a freshman in highschool I received a phone call from him he sounded like he was in a state of shock. During the row he started screaming and shouting at me so i told him to go and he never came back and is saying i dumped him for no reason! My husband made cupcakes for my daughter and every home game for two seasons for four years of high school. Since than we had a very bad fight only one day after my 40th birthday and l havent heard from him scence. We had a great time but never had sex. Its also a safe space where you can be vulnerable and honest with them. Before he left, things were really rocky and we were fighting constantly, but we tried so hard to work things out. You deserve better and just live better than he does. I feel like he blames me for our failed marriage and I know that everything hehas said were all just excuses because he was too much of a coward to admit he was leaving for someone else. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. I split with my ex on Christmas. She indicates someone whos been through abuse or bullying, for example, may be hypervigilant of acts that minimally resemble betrayal. Wife Abandonment - My husband suddenly left me. Part of me wants him to come Home and tell me you made a big mistake. Too bad you couldnt put a nanny cam in their house or have your oldest one record what goes on on the phone or something to prove to the police that the truth children are being mismanaged. Dont you think you deserve better than that???? It was a mess As I always did I cooked cleaned laundry took care of kids was involved etc . We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. So because he wanted to embark on a full sexual relationship with his affair partner, he left the very next day and moved to a different city. Ive never heard or read this suggested, but according to my own experience and analysis of it, I think it may have merit. Note to self, pay more attention, and get reliable input from friends and family. Look at the research its madness what people are ending marriages for .The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters . I questioned her about it and she denied it. When I got back a gut feeling told me to check our trash in the trash can . Now im being threated/monitored by one of his family. My son also gets a survivor benefit which I sparingly use but He mooches food my family you name it. My ex-husband used me for everything I had and then just left. She told me she couldnt do it anymore, and that she no longer loved me as a partner/husband. Well he landed a job for a few days baby needed 2 cans of formula and diapers He didnt bother buying them. This isnt him. the first time they ever met face to face was at the airport.love at first sight in her words.the way I found out, I was on my way to work and got a text message. I still love him but at the same time I have to learn to stand by myself. Or when it is convenient. Hi Nathan. Best wishes to you, hope you find a healthy way to consume your time and helps you start the process! This has to be an affair right? I noticed subtle differences in her towards me, emotionally. you. Sorry this might not be what you want to hear but you have to think of your self do not sacrifice yourself fill yourself up love yourself hold your My job prevented me from being at 4 treatments. If he truly loves you and wants this marriage to work he will do what it takes. If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. My situation Is different In that my ex is NICE all the time. In the past week i have been getting on good with her and i love her 4 kids and am a really good friend of her family.. DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old.
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